I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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