I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
