dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
cat food counts as protein by the way
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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