My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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