She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
