I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize