I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
