Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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