Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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