The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
