we're chasing vodka with high fives
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
