this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
