We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
