dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We need to rekindle our bromance
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
