i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
