At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
