OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
