Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
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