i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So many bounce houses so little time
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
