I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
