dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
