Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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