Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
