this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
