We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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