she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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