hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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