I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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