Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How naked do you want me to be?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
