It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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