we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
did you just send me my own nude
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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