I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
