I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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