i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
