Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
