LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
