I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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