Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
