I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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