im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
