She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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