We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
