Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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