I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
