I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
