would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
