I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
