Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
