Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
