Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
