Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
one might say we're banned from that church
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
