maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
