I'm pants shitting drunk right now
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize