i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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