He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
