We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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