I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
